In a sad bit of news…your favorite Whispers Girl..Tila Tequila…has been roughed up by a NFL player.

The AP reports:

SAN DIEGO (AP) — Reality TV star Tila Tequila filed a lawsuit against San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman alleging domestic violence

Read more: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/football/nfl/11/17/merriman.ap/index.html#ixzz0XNJ6oKHN

Sad…really sad….

No drink of the week this week….

We don’t like our girls getting roughed up around here…

Sounds like one of those classic things that famous men do when their drinking or drugs gets the best of them….

Really pathetic….

The next thing you know…we will hear stories like this coming from sleepy suburbia in the Midwest…in towns like Urbandale…or God forbid…Oskaloosa…

Screw you, Merriman…and the same goes for any other D-Bag that thinks its cool to hit women….

See you Monday…

I’m back…

I know you have been wondering about me..some worried…others probably happy…

But…I took a trip to Florida to take those shots of Culver so my patron Krusty could post them…

I’ll admit it…when I learned he was going to Florida…I was all in…warm weather…beaches..bikinis…how can you go wrong?

Then I followed the governor to a town of 6,000 people in northern Florida just south of the Georgia border…

The Fat Camp was more like a scene out of Deliverence than MTV’s Spring Break…

Oh well…

By the way…the picture above reminds me of this movie classic…how about you?

A JackAss just occassionally says stupid things…

An AssClown is…well…that’s Bob Vander Plaats…

But every time I pick up the Register when I am in the bathroom I am shocked at how they let her write the drivel they do…but then I remind myself they also give Reka Basu a paycheck too…

One of Kathie’s latest and greatest columns (can they really be called that??) notes that Gov. Dorfman’s budget decisions are both savvy and decisive…

Really, Kathie?

This is like giving your teenage son the keys to the new car on a Friday night…where they go out..get drunk…total it…and come back and tell you that they will use their allowance to pay for the repairs…and you say…good job, son!

Dorfman created the whole mess the state is in…he spent like a drunken sailor..or perhaps more appropriately..kinda like what a food and alcohol addicted dunderhead might do…

But…coming from a woman who uses her position at the once venerable Des Moines Register to write about a teenage boys abs or to fantasize about corn dogs in her political column…why am I surprised?

Kathie…you are bad for my health and the health and wellness of other Iowans…

You make me f’in dumber every time I read your columns…

I just need to stop…

I know they won’t get rid of you so long as the brain trust they have there now still makes decisions…

So…in the mean time…you have earned this very important video response to your columns…

I’m busy this week….so there’s no drink of the week…

Instead…with all this Sarah Palin talk…will she come to Iowa or not…is Chuck Hurley having to auction off his red pimp suit to pay her to come…etc…I thought I would give you all what you want…love her or hate her…I know you want some Sarah Palin served up here at the Saloon…

So…when the Saloon slows down a little bit…I will share more thoughts on Palin…

But for now…

I found a great little YouTube about the Sarah from Alaska movie…

Take a look…and have a great weekend…Al…

News reports have just surfaced that show the Democrat Congressional Campaign Committee has outraised the National Republican Congressional Committee…

Not only have the Democrats outraised the Republicans…but they also keep their donors money and don’t spend it all…

Not so true for the Republicans…

They spent an astonishing 97 percent of the money they raised…

It’s the same kind of spend-happy habits that helped contribute to Republicans losing control of Congress…

And underscores that there is a lack of seriousness amongst their leadership about taking back a majority…

When that leadership starts running their campaign committee like something that cares about winning elections…and not a piggy bank social club…

Then…

Maybe then…

Republicans can be confident about regaining a majority in Congress..

Until then…

Why would anyone give them a dime?

Al…

When I heard the news that Chet Culver Gov. Dorfman was participating in a triathalon…I didn’t believe it…

How can it be?

He is 400 pounds?

He gets winded climbing a small set of stairs?

He can’t fit in a damn Suburban without the state having GM modify the seats so his fat ass can sit there…

Seriously…wtf?

Well..Dorfman confirmed that he is indeed participating in a triathalon..

Which got me to thinking…I need to get this and carry it live…closed circuit..right here in the Saloon!

Unforuntately..I then learned that the race is in Florida…

Florida???

Florida made no sense…until I was reminded that is where he goes and hides at Daddy Knapp’s condo on the ocean…far…far away from bad budgets…unemployed Iowans…and Terry Branstad…

So…this still made no sense to me…I mean…the guy is in horrible shape…he could hurt himself doing this…

Until it then hit me…

Patty Judge must be behind it…

She has, afterall, assumed the role of Governor, Lobbyist, Natural Disaster Director, Mom, Attack Dog, and Janitor on behalf of Culver thus far…

So why not add to that the role of Master Strategist?

God knows Culver needs that…but what could the strategy be?

I spent a lot of time thinking about this…and there is really no other option….than Patty wants to be governor…

Why else would you send a 400 pound, heavy drinking, twinkie-addicted, moron to run a triathalon?

Well..so..there you have it….

Patt Judge…2010.

Al…

This is a good time of the year here in the Saloon…

Saturdays and Sundays people stream in and want to watch football…

Had a little problem last Saturday night when a group came in and wanted to watch futbol…soccer…

So…we let the patrons vote…

You can imagine what won out…

But to make it fair this week…

I offered up our soccer loving friends the chance to get their game on one of the screens…so…vote away…email me and let me know what you think…

For what it’s worth…I will never understand Europeans fascination with soccer over football…I mean…just judge for yourself…

Futbol or Football???

You won’t be surprised with this pick for JackAss of the Week…

It’s our very own Governor Dorfman…Chet Culver…

Chet went out of his way to tell the world that times were tough…

And he was going to make across the board cuts to the budget…including even cutting his own pay 10%…

Hell..he even put it in a tv commercial and blasted that around the state…

Except…when it came time to actually do it…and everyone else cuts 10%…Governor Dorfman only cut his pay 5%.

Huh, you ask?

How does that work?

Well…Dorfman is either a liar…stupid…or thinks that Iowans are stupid..

My guess…1, 2, and 3…

But…the measure of how stupid we all are will come next November…

Al…

P.S. Maybe it’s time for Chet Not Stupid to make a comeback?

The state has a $1.4 billion shortfall..some would call it a deficit…

People like me call it a big f’in problem…

Let’s take a look at what some Iowa leaders are up to and talking about in the midst of this mess…

First up…Chet Culver…

This meandering idiot continues to ride around the state on trains…saying we need train travel to get Iowans to Chicago…

Shit man…

If Iowans keep losing their jobs and houses…they won’t have any money to go to Chicago by train..let alone a car…

What’s your obesession with trains?? Most people here in the Saloon wish you showed the passion for the budget and Iowa’s economy that you seem to have for trains…or twinkies…

Next…Bob Vander Plaats…

As you all know…Vander Plaats is a frequent winner of the Ass Clown award here in the Saloon..but he really earned it and more this week…

The guy has spent the last couple weeks in Europe…while he was gone…

Terry Branstad became a candidate…

The state admitted their budget was in even worse shape…

A massive scandal erupted and grew in the Culver administration over Hollywood tax credits…

Butttttt…..Super Plotz is back…and what’s his first foray into the news cycle?

He goes to the Iowa Capitol…has a press conference..and…

Is endorsed by the head of the NAACP who talks about racial preferences and hiring practices in state government…

So..Super Plotz thinks there aren’t enough blacks employed in state government? Culver discriminated in his hiring practices? Huh?

I was more comfortable with your candidacy Bob when the only suspect hiring practices among your supporters were all those young boys hired to work at Pizza Ranch back in the day…

Next up…Christian Fong…

Pssssttt….check the phone traffic between Muscatine and Des Moines…

We have a pool going here on how long it will be before your biggest supporter and campaign manager jump ship…

Get out of the race and save yourself some degree of self respect…

Later,

Al…

We have something new for you regular Saloon readers…

In honor of Iowa’s Most Racist Senator Jack Hatch…we now will feature JackAss Wednesday…where we will discuss the biggest JackAss in the state…

Now…I must warn you…this is not to be confused with an AssClown…just close your eyes and think AssClown=Super Plotz…where JackAss=Jack Hatch…this translates to behavior as well…

I know..I know…its a judgment call…

But I have found in my short time on this blog that there are not many people that are befitting of the term AssClown like Super Plotz…but there are lots of people that could have earned a JackAss award…

And so…now it begins…

The honoree of the first JackAss Wednesday is former state auditor Dick Johnson…(shown at left in picture)

Known widely for being the only politician in America with a chronicly phallic name…

Johnson showed that he hates Terry Branstad just about more than anything…

Johnson goes out and does an interview with Kay Henderson of Radio Iowa where he announces to the world that he supported Fred Grandy years ago..and almost beat Branstad in a primary…(we remember DICK..and we also remember you LOST…we also remember you couldn’t even get enough support on your own to run in a primary for Congress…and supported AssClown Plotz in 2006 before he turned tail and ran for the closest Pizza Ranch he could find…)

Now Johnson supports right winger Bob Super Plotz…a big jump from big mod Grandy who went out of his way to blast the religious right…

DICK…you look like a disgruntled old fella…desperately searching for relevance…and the ghost of Terry Branstad has come back to haunt you…again…

Enjoy your time in the spotlight DICK…because the rest of us in the Saloon are hoping we don’t hear from you or Super Plotz again after June…or before…if Super Plotz wimps out like you and he have both done before…

Al…